Archive of a Whimsical Motor-mouth !!

Last post: Moved to A new virtual Place

2010-11-11T04:32:00.000-08:00

Guys..finally I moved to Dull Jack..a place to share my amateur scriblings.
If you have been with me this all time on this place,I will really miss your love and support.
But being an online blogger,I preferred shift to a better part of this virtual world. Basicall I was bored you see :)

My new link will be:
dulljack.wordpress.com

So you can forget unsignedneel.blogspot.com (damn,too long a name..Yeah! I know)
All posts in this site follows there too.

Wish to see you peeps there!
Take my love,Take care.
See you there.

Awesome Calvin

2010-10-05T22:12:00.000-07:00

Calvin: Do you like being a girl?

Susie: Its gotta be better than the alternative.

Calvin: What’s it like? Is it like being a bug?

Susie: Like a WHAT??

Calvin: I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it.

Courtesy:Calvin-Hobbes;
P.S:Dedicated to all the girls I have been close to, till date.

Hopeless Experiences :(

2010-10-02T04:39:00.000-07:00

It was one of those July evening..it was raining but still it was sunshine ! I was waiting for a free lift on ma way back from work but had a real tough luck. A loaded auto was approaching towards me from the Infy gate. Due to some strange reason,his headlights were on even though he was moving towards the setting sun with all sunrays on his windshield !
Strange ,I thought.
That being my only hope,I waved my hands desperately for a lift.
But something came to his mind that I couldnt get even today.
He switched off his headlight in response,gave me a red-teeth smile in return and drove away pleasantly.

Great sense of humor..!!
...

I had a feel that I can't eat this chloromint today.No way I can do it. Nah! It cant be done.Something got in ma head.Aaj to khake hi rahenge!! So I turned out to be extra cautious.Neatly removed the pack,put that in my mouth with great care from a strong finger hold.No risks involved. Clear game.Aha! I thought..
I pumped my fists,I finally beat my instincts.."Yes!"

"SIR YOUR ID PLS.."
"Fuck !",I said

Glop! The chloromint popped out of my mouth.
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" (visibly louder )
Damn those insticts man!
...

"Forty-five bucks,Sir"
I paid him off and waited for the change.

The dinner crowd of 'Mahesh' is not something you can really boost of. Fascinated by the rush of public hunger,I was amuused waiting & as well clearing my post-dinner fingers,all happily orange now( for the so called remnants of the historic 'Sambar') with a tissue.I was about to put the five rupees change back in ma pocket.

It was then the lightning stroke ma head!! I realised,I was rubbing my hands with the Rs 5/- note( all blackish orange by then) and the tissue was neatly folded in ma wallet.

God help me.I was literally shocked to see the red teeth auto-driver now sitting in that counter with a red smile for me!!
...

P.S: Still looking for the person who once rightly said" You better know..you are hopeless! "

Met My Friend

2010-09-25T07:21:00.000-07:00

"How much time left?"

"Umm..say about 40mins "

"What say?"

Saiki gave a thought for a while but finally fell for my tempting offer.
"Chal Maa-ka.."

Destination Brigade Fuel was a 20mins ride from Majestic.Waiting for Indian Railway to arrive in time practically made no sense and so we decided to take a high before we were back to the railway station.

Suvro was coming to Banglore to meet one of his series of so called girlfriends (sorry bro,no offence!). Meeting best college pals after a period of more than 1 year always calls for a toast.But considering people like me and Saiki,we were always more concerned about the party rather than its damn blessed reason and worse of all,totally neglecting if at all the concerned person was present or not.So,so hopeless that we were,we two somehow decided to rock Suvro's arrival before his actual arrival and hence were on our way out there,deciding to attain a grand holy high that nite.

But fortune played a twist that day and things happened that were not supposed to happen.Unfortunately ,The Great Indian Railway was somehow on time and the train reached Banglore defying all our hopes & expetations of minimum 1hour late.Damn this Railway man! First of all they are never in time till date and secondly atleast they should be that much late as much they are expected to be!! So evidently we were screwed badly that nite..

"Shit man !"

"What??" I thought I guessed.

"Suvro's call.."
Saiki talked something on the phone that I could barely understand.Predictably,we were enough high by then. But his post-call words were dramatic,I tell you.

"Chudche* !! He have reached !!"

"Damn man,what to do..shit shit. I m a dead man tonite,he will kill me,he will kill me ." I knew Suvro and I was moving towards a dead nite today.

"What to do..what to do..what to do..",Even Saiki had gone nuts.

I completed ma peg in a sip and suddenly had a sudden eureka moment.

"Saiki !!"
He looked at me with all heveanly expectation..

"What?"

"Run Behenchod !! Run !!"

...

That night after I met Suvro and the day that followed,became one of my greatest memorable day of this weird never-ending life of mine. I longly realised how I love my crazy friends and there crazy way of love & friendship.

*FYI :'Chudche' is a Local linguistic version of Fuck ;)

Lost Life

2010-09-13T05:21:00.000-07:00

We were crazy.We were strange.We were different,diffrent from all.We were that much complete together as much we were incomplete alone.We were no more on this earth.We lived in a different world.We flew in the sky,walked on the clouds!We were talking to the clouds! We broke all rules,all bonds of time !We were free.We cared for nothing,for no one! We had created a world of us,our own world..the world of hopes & dreams!

But whats's for a dream !It leaves you the very moment you open your eyes..
but some day,some day..a phoenix will surely arise !

"For me, I touched a thought, I know,
Has tantalized me many times,
(Like turns of thread the spiders throw
Mocking across our path) for rhymes
To catch at and let go.."

Last Four Lines from 'Two In The Campagna'
-by Robert Browning

Sake of last time..

2010-09-02T01:47:00.000-07:00

"See dear do not worry, once you clear the 10th exams,life will be easier. After that your studies will be field restricted and hence lesser tension..lesser studies(!!?!)..This is the most critical time,for the last time show us that you are the best.."

After 2 years..

"See,this is the most vital period,now you clear this 12th exam,you will be a free man. All you need is hardwork now. It is this time that leads you to a smoother future life.You give your best now and get into any professional college,you are done with the business.Give your best for the last time man. Things will be easier there after.This is the most important time of your life dear.."

After 2 more years..

"See,I know colleges are where you have fun but I tell you,one wrong step,you slip and son!you are out to no where!! Its just a matter of four years yar,you have to get into a profession in any way. Once you are through,you are in a job,life will be simply best. All you need is to work hard ,may be for the last time.."

After 4 more years..

"This is the best time I know,but be aware son,you have a future..do not ever be reckless about your life. I know you are in a good profession but you should not forget this is the best time to make the foundation for your future. Just be careful and work hard,once you get settled,it will be more easier for you..just give your last best show and you are done !! "

After 1 more year..

Phew !! Forget it man..I am done for now,rather for the so called last time ;)

Another page from my Fictitious Diary-II

2010-08-29T01:28:00.000-07:00

"So Did you kiss her??"

"No way yaar.."

"Damn man !! What were you doing so long then !!.."

"Cum'mon dammit,I dont know even if she thinks me as a friend ! How do you expect her to kiss me!!"

"Eh.Errr.hold on ! hold on ! When did I say her to kiss you !! I said you to kiss her !!"

"And how is that different ??"

"Cummon grow up man.If u fuck her and if she fucks you..are they the same thing!!??"

"Fuck you!!"

"See..now even that's a total different zonar,I forget.Even its different if you.."

"Will you jst shut up for God's sake !!"

"Okk!! Anyways,I know..you are soon going to get fucked by her..hehee!!"

I looked at him real bad this time.Why the hell on earth am I listening to all these!

"Who the damn do you think you are to say all these non-sense..?? "..my voice choked to the last word.I was about to break down this time.My head was messed up with mixed thoughts and irritations.

He suddenly came close and kissed me and started laughing out again.

"My sweetoo bro..crying for a gal..hahahahah !"

Partial fact..I dint know what to say.I was really pissed off big time and I really hated it whenever he got me.

He suddenly sat on a chair and started to move his legs to and fro puffing a cigarette as if being in a great thought.He looked up at the ceiling and muttered something.

"Now what??" I was abit curious at that point.'Cos I knew,it was also a fact that he was the only guy who can help me out.He was a sort of pro when it comes to girls.

"See I think in this case you should not run after her,that wont help you in anyway.. and o yes ! that will be really bad,especially for your health !! ".. an expert comment making rings of smoke from the ciggerette.

But now I was somwhere else.Since he is giving it a thought,so he must be counting on some brilliant idea.
I could see he was really thinking on the issue now.

"Why do u think so ?" I was curious.

"Actually I have a bad information about her from her last boyfriend."

"O boy!" I was geting more and more curious.I went and sat close to him. I just forgot the nonsense few minutes back.

"And what is that??"

I was genuinely curious,interested but abit depressed too on the mention of her last relation.But still decided to take it positively. Since he is really considering this fact,that must have to really influence this case.

He remained silent for a while,took two more puffs,let them out and looked into my eyes.

"What the hell man!! What's the info? !!"

He put the ciggerette butt in the astray.Took few sips of water.He looked into my eyes and brought his mouth close to my ears,as if we were sharing some secret codes with each other.Bastard.But I stayed cool,it was about her,it was about my life afterall.

I brought my ears as close to his mouth as possible.And here he goes..

"I heard she stepped on her boy friend's cock when they had sex last time !!"..he bursted laughing too loud,loud like a mad man rolling on the floor.

My head burst off in anger. Damn !Damn ! Damn ! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I stood up, got him by his collar,kicked his ass like 100times with all the strength I could gather and threw him out of the room.People like him should be made nude and should be caned on their butts publicly !!

But he was mad.He was laughing and laughing,shouting like hell!!

When I banged the door behind him,I could listen him shout.."LOVE YOUUU Baabyy !!"
Friends! Crazy friends !!

You may also like:
A Page from my Fictitious Diary-I

Callback -chapter II

2010-08-08T05:37:00.000-07:00

I reclined forward to get my wallet. I was about to pay the bill. She suddenly got hold of my hand.
I looked at her in a reflex.

She was looking straight into my eyes.(Those kohl-eyes! God! I felt like kissing her right there..)

"What?"..

"What are u trying to do mister !"..She seemed to be really surprised.As usual, I doubted it though.

"I thought I was paying the bill.. !!"

"...but why?"

Now I gave a what-the-hell look to her.It was enough. "Those stuff were not for free ma'am !!"

But she was totally somewhere else.She was talking about something that I couldn't even imagine.

"Is it a date? Why are you paying the bill !!"..

I was really taken back by this statement.I mean,yes,we were out together for the first time but I knew if i asked the same to her,she would have definitely killed me.At least that was what I thought.

"Is it a date !!" I wondered..I loved to ponder on this thought for sometime..

"..but what if its not,still why cant I pay !!Whats the logic ?"

That was a total non sense.She is always weird in her logics.Basically she is weird herself,if you really want to know.But now even i was genuinely confused.

"No..if its a date then you can definitely pay !!"..her eyes lit up with her smile moving up to her eyes.

"So how am I supposed to know if its a date or not !!"..(yeah! I know I am dumb..accept it,even she came to know that by then.)

"Well you can ask me..but see,I cant assure you a positive reply 'cos actually it was me who asked you out !!"

She was really enjoying this non sense,confusing and making fool out me.The poor guy who came with the bill was looking at us,amused,surprised,confused..with changing expressions every now and then.I had a feel that even he was he was trying to figure out what was happening.

"Ok,I got it.It's not a date..u can better pay the bill"..I was totally pissed off by this torture and was sort of rude.

She stood up suddenly.She put her hands on her waist and gave me a smile.

In the next moment,before I can realize what was happening, she laid a quick peck on my cheek.
"But I want you to pay the bill, dumbo !!" She whispered in my ears and rushed out of the place..
"Call me tonight!!" She was out of my sight in a moment.

I was standing like a dumb for a second and the next moment felt like jumping,shouting all at the same time.Damn man,that was a date!!That was a real date!! That's exactly what she meant!! That was a date !!

That was one of the finest moments of my life!! I forgot that the bill-guy was still standing beside me enjoying the show.

"Sir bill "..poor fellow..

I was total nuts by then.I put a 500rs note in his pocket,put a long long kiss on his cheek and ran out for her.

...

Later I realized that the whole restaurant was actually enjoying this show !!
But who cares when you have the girl !!

**By the way,the bill was only Rs 238/- (inclusive of all taxes)

Don ever Try

2010-07-29T05:08:00.000-07:00

Ref: This post is in referrence(rather a response) to a mail from one of my readers who somehow doesnt like to make public comments in the blog(for reasons I really dont understand) but seem to have huge interest as well as stand for type of things that should be written and that shouldn't.So here,I got this lovely mail :)

"tum mar jao !! kisne roka hai??
waise bhi saare blogs mein marne varne ki hi baatein likhte ho

ZOMBI kahin ke hunh

kabhi kuch positive aur acha bhi likh diya karo

rona dhona,infidelity,break up, death ...
ab earthquake,volcano blaa blaa par bhi likh lo...complete collection ho jaega...

sadists delight.. "

Well I have already said its the place of +thinking process of a critical brain,so how can you expect things straight!!
For now all I could make is this post which is about few things I somehow have managed to find(mostly from internet) which you can do when you feel lazy/bore/idiotic/adventurous or may be all at the same time in your office.I have been somewhat experimenting on these ideas recently though with dangerous results(Gosh ! Don ask !!).

(Sorry if you have recieved similar mails earlier in your damn life :P)

Hope my unfortunate readers enjoy this time,this being a huge escape from
my so called 'sadist delights'

Guys,just try to visualise things when you read on !

1.After you are in the office,Log on ur pc, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream
“Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt.

2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes.Bang on the table and laugh. Then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

4. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.Damn..

5. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret US Pentagon files.

6. Bring a chainsaw, but don’t use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say
“Just in case…” mysteriously. (and look for people's reaction..hehe!!)

7. Attempt to eat your computer’s mouse (very dangerous).

8. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.

9. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.U can slap loudly on the desk
in an attempt to kill them. Make sure you successfully startle the next guy..

10. Bring a small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it’s
the computer and look really lost..hehe

11. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen.Complain that the lead doesn’t work.

12. Run into office,shout “Armageddon is here!!!!!”, then calmly sit down and begin to
type.

13.(This is the deadliest one)

Stare at the person’s next to yours screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing hysterically,and say “You did that?” loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go..hehee..poor guy..

14. Laugh hysterically,loudly shout “You will all perish in flames!!!” and continue
working silently.

15. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your file isn’t affected). Then look at your neighbor’s keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: “Does *your* delete key work?” Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard.
Keep doing this until you’ve deleted about a page of your neighbor’s document. Then, suddenly exclaim: “Well, whaddya know? I’ve been hitting the space bar this whole time and wonder it wasn’t deleting Ha!” Print out your document and
leave.Huge satisfaction gained..I tell you..

16..Suddenly move close to the monitor.Gaze for an instant.Stand up huge,look down to the next guy and say,"Is it a bird? Is it- Oh! It's Koala Man.Asleep in the branches again, and probably pissed. Tsch-tsch..What an embarrassment to superhero-kind."
Lose your enthusiasm in a moment,sit back calmly and start working..hehe!

Well that's it.If you haven’t even smiled once after reading the above – you need to see a
shrink! Trust me. So run !

Survival

2010-07-22T02:56:00.000-07:00

The bright headlights reflecting sharply from the wet windshield blinded me for a moment.In the next moment when I opened the eyes,another car was rushing in from opposite side,suddenly skidded and came towards mine.I applied brakes more in a shock than in reflex.

The rear tyres screeched & skidded badly.The car travelled a lateral distance in high speed,bumped on two huge stray water-filled potholes and rolled once before coming to a sudden hault. Bang !!

It was all silence for a while.I dint know where I was.A strange feeling of numbness occupied me.It took few minutes for me to register what have just happened.A fear suddenly cripped in me very slowly.It was raining heavily now.The rain thrashed on the car.

My state of numb was broken by bright rays of stray light from the high speed vehicles rushing on the highway.The rolling sound of heavy tyres seemed to rattle my ribs...
The state of shock started to sink in and the fear started to grow thinking what I had just gone through.It seemed like I started to become aware of my surroundings with time.But it was worse when the actual fact hit me.

I was about to die.Yes,Death was right there for me.I was blank all through.My body was shivering badly,my mind gave up thinking and I was feeling cold.My head dropped on the steering wheel.I started crying like a child.

I never knew what death is.But that day sitting alone in that car in a dark
rainy night on a sideline highway ,I could figure out the difference between
life and death.It was just a fraction of second..may be a blink of eye between life and death.In a moment you are here and next you are left nowhere.In that strange moment of destiny,my whole life started reeling before of my eyes in pieces.Shards of memory that were hidden somewhere in my mind that I thought never existed,now became visisble .Sounds of my dad's laughter,my mom waving her hands at me from the church gate,the hissing sound of a cooker from the kitchen,the smell of my mom's old saree,my sisters mehendi hands,priya standin on the other side of a busy road,a slight of tense on her face,omar's bright lecherous eyes smiling,vague sounds of sid's voice,u4 sharing a dope,the smell of grass..and more and lot more.Lakhs of faces crowded over me in a moment and my ears were blasted by the random ramblings of thousand voices and laughter.I pressed my hands in my ears but they were of no use then. My pains never lessened..The tears refused to stop.

...

A loud bang from behind brought me out of the trance.Someone broke the front window glass to open the door lock.I was feeling cold and my eyes were too wet to see anything.Tears kept rolling down like the rainy night.

"Hey man,are you ok??" Someone wrapped a shawl around me and helped me out.
" Total nutjob buddy !! We were shouting for like an hour now!! We thought you were dead.."

They said I remained fainted in that dead car for almost an hour that nite .No one knew how I was alive.

Weird nite !

2010-06-28T09:22:00.000-07:00

I missed the lighter for the third time in a row.
"Damn poor thing",I thought,"My ass..".Weird thoughts,I know..

Sometimes I feel that this earblasting mindnumbing speaker volumes should be reduced. I mean how can you allow someone insane play some Euro-African trash that too so loud in such a cramped place !! Man trust me,amytime you may have a heartbreak or rather may be a skull break or something..like in a moment you will find all your brain fluids flowing down all over the place from your head..shit man,pathetic thoughts..I wonder.

I stopped listening (dont ask me how it can be done..cos with alcohol in your guts,everything is possible). I again concentrated back on the blessed lighter.
Three more strokes..no hope,missed all through. I looked around blankly,drunk and hopeless.

She lit the lighter for me from the other end,though it startled me abit.Yeah,again I forgot,folks,I am around with a couple tonight.

See,hanging around with couples really stink,and I am not much fond of it if you really want to know.With a lousy gal asking shitty things to her phony boyfriend is always a pain in the ass for me..But lemme tell you,with scantily dressed babe with a crotch-hugging-jeans-dweller bf..that too in a dark shacky pub,things may be total different and no doubt,interesting..

I looked up at her to which she gave a weird smile that brought some nasty thoughts in my mind.I ignored.I looked at the guy with her.The alcohol overdose was sinking. He blankly gazed at the giant screen least bothered about his gal.

It was then when I suddenly felt something scratching on my feet and moving up and down around my shin.I was startled and looked for it under the table.
Yeah..holyshit..,it was her leg which by now have almost reached to my knees caressing inwards and upwards.I looked up at her in a reflex (she had that same mysterious smile)..I immidiately looked at him..hopeless fellow I thought,he was still in his alcoholic coma gasping at the screen.I felt a temporary relief but strangely felt like laughing.The bastard in me was definitly enjoying,I tell you.

"So how much do you love each other? ",I startled both of them especially bringing him back to earth.

"Oh man! We love each other like hell man,we cant live without each other.."; He tried kissing her but badly missed the place and hopelessly landed somewhere down her neck."We even.."

I stopped him on way.."How about dying for each other?" ..I fired..its shit,I know but I was drunk,I told you..
Actually the next moment I was almost on a stage of alcohol-improvised self appraisal because of my delivered dramatic lines( I cudnt beliv that I m so genius) but got really distracted 'cos her legs were by now somewhere around my inner thighs dangerously moving in.Damn man,I was geting a feel.The alcohol effect dipped abit but nevertheles remained.It added to the effect perfectly.

He mumbled something and then was sudden loud.."Arre no man,we can fucking kill ourselves for our love..",the alcohol speaking for him.

"...And we can even kill the other for love..",this came from her..she was smiling again..caressing his face with her hands and my secret places with her legs..My mouth went wide open..

...

Later that night I found myself walking alone on a lonely road,now with a better equilibrium compared to my state few hours back.I was thinking blankly of my friend and his gal I met tonight.

"Infidelity",I thought.."God help us..."

That night in that dark place,somehow I managed myself from a sin.I was almost carried away when something stopped me for good..may be that was my conscience or may be the good God in me..I looked at the sky and smiled..I was strangely satisfied.

Callback..

2010-06-07T10:23:00.000-07:00

The Arabian sea was not in a great mood either.Behind the backdrop of the setting sun there she sat ..all alone.
Even I felt strangely helpless.Its strange how weird it feels at times.
It felt restless all around..the waves were hitting the shores with an unknown anger trying
to scrape away as much of the sand it can take..all at a time..

"May I ?"

She looked at me through her wet eyes and nodded.I dint know if that was an approval or a denial
but decided to sit.I felt a strange silence
between us even in between this roaring sea waves.

We were silent for a long time.She wept on and I blankly stared at the sea..It felt never ending,I wished if I could skip this moment,I was numb..
it was slowly getting on me..

"Why do you love him so much??"

"What do you mean?"..that was enough for her..

"Sometimes I wonder why it is like that,why do we love someone..I mean why do we want someone!!
Why do you love him ?"

"I dont know why..I ..I just do ..",she choked..

"Even knowing that he..."

"...that he doesn't love me? Yes still.."

"Rai,you are beautiful,you are intelligent..I mean there are thousand of guys who will die for you,
you can get anyone you want..I mean.."

"If I am so good then why cant I have him !!!"

I dint know what to say..this was hard,real hard to answer..so innocent in her way..and as always,I was blank..

"I dont know that..dont you think we should not expect such things in life that we cant ever..."

before I could end,she was crying more and more.She rest her head on ma shoulders.She made me weak..

"Thanx neel.."

I felt a pain somewhere deep inside,a lump there in my throat,don't ask why..I dint know that either. I closed my eyes for a while and then
looked at the cloudy evening sky..its going to rain tonight..

-(An intentional Work of fiction with a changed name )

Reflection

2010-05-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

Crushes of memories in a blue
water colour of light,
Splinter shards of glasses
touched my flame so bright..
The footpath crowds turned to
the train siren in a lonely night,
Whenever I go,wherever I stay
I will always be following the shadows to stray;

Now a few more steps closer,more closer to light
In a drive for eternity life to life,
The ashes are drown in the heart of desire
But the memories are still stuck in an unknown fear..

A gloomy morning !

2010-04-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

Here in a cloudy morning,I try wake up bright
Reflecting on my recent past in a mood not so right
Slowing down I look around,I am so messed
Try to think of things that makes life great..
I think I never tried to do of what I thought
Rather may be I never thought of what I did
Life is complicated I heard somewhere
Now I know its a weird truth always unaware
There were things that could have been better
There were dreams that could make me better
But I love,I feel,I wish to live forever
I hope,I dream even for a nightmare
Today I feel this earth too small
To hold all ma dreams for long and all

This morning I stare again at this paper
My forehead bleeds but I think no better
I think of people I met may be last night
But now they all seem to be faded in the dreamy night

Life is fast,moving too fast and fair
I again hope that I will change things out there
Its strange but this morning seems so perfect
This day,this life in the time's messy net !

I pray it stays,this morning stays,this time stays
'Cos this is the best feeling I ever had..

(Wrote on the first cloudy morning in mysore 2days aftr reachin there :))

Another page from my life !!

2010-03-29T12:37:00.000-07:00

"Wake up..",mom whispered in my ears.It was a cold February morning,my first day of trip to my home after an year.
I could feel her cold lips in my ears,her cold hands on my face.I burried my face deep into the blanket.I could hear a lot of birds and people all around.It was a strange feeling.My mom's whisper,the early morning light,the warmth of my quilt,my dad's voice nearby,the slender rays of sun in my room,the spider cob on the celing..all felt strange,as if this was something I was longing for a long long time,for all these years.It was something special,I dont know what,but it somehow made me feel blessed.I knew this time will pass away but I wished if it could always feel the same.
I went to the window from the bed.It was bright all around.I stood facing the sunrays from the window. The morning sun was on my face,on my hands.It felt pure. I touched the glass pane.It was warm,I could feel the warmth on my fingers,on my face. I was lost somewhere.The mornings's soul was deep inside me.

Two lines of Khaled Hosseini came to my mind..

"One couldnot count the moons that shimmer on her roofs
Or the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls"

I felt content,I felt satisfied,I felt happy..happy after a long time. A smile came to my face from somewhere deep within.
Life,Sweet Life !!

Another Day in a City too fast !!

2010-03-17T09:57:00.000-07:00

Another day at the city
The life so bustle and so tidy
The dawns are bright but the dusks are smokey
But my fate to live here for me being heavy..

Its not that you always love
That you always love to be here,
But when choices are few and time is low
you may not always hate to be here..
..

On a sunday evening on a crowded street
When the city rushed by me,am too litle
I thought,I reflected,I wanted to feel
What a life,what a time,how weird I feel !

Another day at the city of din and bustle
May be another evening of light dreams and pink beer,
A dream on stars but a fear of being hurt
I never knew when I was back in my tears..
Twenty years and more but am not gone so far
But yet it feels am dragging myself not from so near..

Life O Sweet little life
How long has it been and how far am I ?
Am hurt,am scared,am confused,am in tears..
Still i wish, still I dream
in a busy city in an other day..
As always my heart is calling for you
Every dream I cast upon the stars is of yours..

( Dedicated to my ex-gfs nd best campus-pals !!
Written while sitting in trainee hall in ma company,
still a last bencher(rather last table)..cudnt help it.Anyways i miss u ppl a lot)

God Help me !!

2010-02-08T13:22:00.000-08:00

According to Einstein,"Insanity is doing the same things repeatedly but expecting different results !!".I don't know about others but if he was alive to see me today,at least he could have opted me for real life example on his demo!
I don't know man,why these stuffs keep on happening with me.I mean now I feel I let them happen and so they happen.
From the time when I was 4 or 5,I hated going to any cultural events unless and until I was participating (though that too used to happen after a lot of murderous mayhem from my parents..).
Time passed away.When I became cultured (my mom's version) i.e when I grew up,this particular thing was still something that I couldn't bear with..(you will say am a pervert..I know that..so just shut up !).

Anyway it was again back on the stage of my life when I was on for the CDAC Cultural Evening("For Nerds"..it was implied I guess).

The panic struck me when I first entered the hall.There was a banner displaying the institute's name.Damn,trust me man,it was written in such a dumb way(Times New Roman..I tell you),I felt like shit right away.The program started with a lousy anchor who was more busy with the paper which he was reading from than what he was actually reading!! The dumb don't even had the sense that he should leave the podium during a performance.All he could manage was grin at the audience and watch things on the stage from the stage!!
The worst part was yet to come.With Omar in the backstage,me and Nair decided to take a backseat just infront of the faculties( realised the side-effects later with a dead event..Rohan,my cam buddy :( ..ok frgt it ).

The show was on and on ! After like hundred songs,I almost dozed off when on a sudden, a dickface came on the stage and decided to read fishponds.Now this was worse.Man they read one after the other (obviously in some encoded incomprehensible matthi) and people laughed there guts out!! Even Nair sitting next to me was laughing! Man what's up?? (Ok,later I came to know that one was on me !! Shit! )

There were a lot.From a idiotic drunk cameraman (I doubted ),awful hosting,pathetic matthi songs,hopeless fishponds,worthlessly dressed chicks(Me and Nair's last surviving hope),the evening turned out to be pathetically my only worth-remembering day(that too not by my wish) in the 6months marathon.

Let me tell you this was not me to go.I sort of knew that,you know.It was Nair who gave me some of his shitty logics (even he did that the day before) and Omar's performance that made me go there.I mean who goes into these nerdy cultural outbursts(that's the word) where dumb faculty's run around hooting audience to maintain a lecture-hall ambience when a guy is giving out his guts on the stage !! Its shit man,trust me..I am atleast honest on that.If you were there you could have realised how I sacrificed my Gypsy hangout for watching those screwballs.It's never worth it,trust me people..

Idiotically Interesting,I know

2010-02-05T09:42:00.000-08:00

Relationships,hmm,I think God was never serious about that for me..from the very first day when I felt the touch of love ( though now I say infatuation), things went wrong for all my efforts in some uncanny way with inexplicable incidents!! No matter where I was and what phase of my life I was counting.

I sometimes feel there was a strong discussion in between Gods before my birth about this critical issue.Though I even doubt if at all the issue of sending me on earth was unanimous decision of them,but keeping that apart..I am atleast confirm about the relations' episode ( you can read love episode if you really want). When it came to be decide on the future relationship-status factor,there was a huge hue and cry over the hall resulting from different un-unified opinions ! The result was that the project leader was so disgusted and confused at the same time that while filling the final fate-form for delivery,he either forgot to check the checkbox against love in the form or else he scraped away the column in the outcome of these happenings.

And so congrats,here I am with a large grin on my face pushing the love cart on this damn earth one after another all in vain !!

I mean I know it was not all about them. Yes surely it could have been better if they really wanted but feeling the real situations and given it was me,the timing issues(poorly called chance and hopelessly called luck) things were never perfect. Thus the rolling of dough for the bread was always undone some or the other way !

From unbaked relations to half-baked and sometime too baked to consume,the story of sour relations had somehow became my fate and the status of being single,sometime or the other went on.It was never that I was always dying for something,I mean someone :) and was always moaning over that,but it really made me low when I saw the increasing count and evidently,my status quo! And even today,I am same as usual in the middle of the puddle after another shitty tale,still hopelessly running for the better someone.This is nothing that you call justice :( !

Screw Exams!!

2010-01-22T09:35:00.000-08:00

I am goin to flunk! I am goin to flunk! I am goin to flunk!I am goin to flunk!I am goin to flunk!I am goin to flunk!I am goin to flunk!I am goin to flunk!I am goin to flunk! wait..
Damn,its not possible.If I fail,damn..am a dead man.But I know the fact..
I am goin to flunk!I am goin to flunk!I am goin to flunk!
yes I am goin to flunk!
Damn exams! It seems like they never forget you! They never let it so easy,I mean you always have to prove yourself..what the hell!! I know how much I knw those damn papers..why do I prove it to you..go fuck idiots!
Wherevr you go,these damn things are always with you.What will happen to me if I flunk?? The problem is its a CDAC xam,so definitly you are goin to get screwed! yes,but i think..no..nah no chance.I have failed,i mean i will. O wait..Shit..there's another problem.I even don kno wat will happen to me if I fail.
i am crying (O God evn this wll not help!! )Its total mess now,my brain is dead and tomorrow I will be dead.
Guys,do inform my home.I am dead..

Partial Insomnia or whatever!!

2010-01-19T11:06:00.000-08:00

Ok guys,tonite (lucky me!! huh!) I discovered a funny but a vital ongoing event in my life.It was happening with me for quite a long time but it seems like ,today,finally I have figured that out !!
The thing is that I have observed a fact,rather an idiotic fact to be precise..Whenever I eat something,whether its morning breakfast,or a meal or a lunch or any damn thing, I feel sleepy.It doesn't matter whether you are on a bike or a seminar!!But that's not the end.The funniest part is that it happens with me in all case execept MY DINNER ( Grrrrr!! Don laugh I tell you !).
I know its a sort of nonsense nocturnal behaviour,but I cant help it.It ended up like this ,I sleep all day(dont forget my CDAC classes)..and wide awake all nite! Why?? Cause I dont feel sleepy after dinner.Now its not that I always sleep only when I feel sleepy.But the problem fires badly when you lay on your bed for 3 hours at a stretch at night and you find you are still badly,wide awake!! Ok even that can be handled if you really want to know.But the real problem occurs,when you are asked for a presentation infront of 180 matured people (not to mention,all of them wide awake) and you go to sleep infront of all laughing idiots,that too standing !! Shit!!
God help me!!

Hope this time will pass away!

2010-01-14T06:20:00.000-08:00

Its not just the other day
When I had all that I wanted to say
The all I could do,the all it could have been done
The all of thoughts that never took a turn!
I had run,I had run
Ran a long way,to be with one
Ya there was a time,I was with you
The touch of your lips..
I had felt the angels
It burned,it realy burned like the fire
This burning desire..
I heard the tongue of angels
It was colour everywhere..
It was life throughout!

I donno why,now it feels old
I have lost the touch
May be the way I used to be!
The days the Time
The life,the vigour,may all have gone
O Ya,I promised not to change..
to the time that was destined to come;
Today though it seems all is the same
The air the water the wind feels same
but I know
We have lost our move
our way to live,our way to life!!
May be this day will also pass away,
May take me to the time I relish..
I pray to god,for the sake of life,for sake of You
Do return my days,the time,the feel I used to feel!!

A page from my fictious diary I am working on!

2010-01-08T11:00:00.001-08:00

"With 12pracs in a session,you need minimum 10 performed..you know that right??"
The piece of shit was looking into my eyes.I felt like kicking his balls..
"Yes Sir"
"So do you know how much you are upto?"
"Its three sir,but I can still manage sir,i just need an extra lab Sir"..damn i was sweating like hell;
"Listen boy I am not letting it that easy,dont try to fool me around.."

The PCE has finally decided to fuck my final sem by detaining me from the pracs for the sem.It seems like pretty gory right??Damn,its neither a novel nor a movie,I tell you.Its a reality I was upto..

"Sir please Sir,I need an extra class and I can make it"
"Come on boy do you think those guys are fool who did the 12 damn practicals in 6 months and now yo are asking me to do that in 1 day!!"

Yes sir it was,I thought.The old ass was getting on me

"Well sir,do i have any other way round??"

I am a bastard I tell you.In any other case,this could get me rusticated from the insti,but I knew this dumb ass..he will fall for it.

"What do you mean boy?"
"Sir,like I worked for those college fests (When did I work,shit !) and all you know and..like those Teacher's day celebs(damn) and like magzine(I hardly know when it got published )..Cant I have something for you and you consider my conditions and you know,I can manage my pracs,I have been good and consistent in your lectures(33% attendence,I remember) and you can reconsider everything and then I can go for the uni exams,its Final sem Sir and you have so much power in your hands and.."

hehe,long list eh?
I was chewing his balls,I tell you!

He gestured me to shut up.The screwball was thinking something.And then he came out in his deadly best..

"You seem clever",he searched out some damn files from his desk and was opening a piece of paper..
"Sir can I get you something..you know..and you lemme go"
..the delivery was sudden from me and even I was surprised by my own guts for offering an academic bribe to a mongoose of 60years!!I am a genius!

"Hmm,interesting,you read my heart boy..listen..",
He was scratching his groin (shit! Sometimes I wonder how can people scratch their groin while thinking!! Anyway,I was startled by his words and so looked away from his private place)

"..it seems like it was your group,I mean you who took like 5grands from my committee,I mean Tele-Era (damn his committee,damn his guts) for some occasion and you dint refund..and so you know I can.."
"..sir so you say I pay it now for my pracs !?! but Sir,that was granted fom the department and I have.."
..my head went tizzy,I could not imagine! my own plan backfired badly..

"..arre,dont worry,in that case you can come for the winter exams,there will be a lot people like you to accompany you! It will be fun,I think"..he was smiling more and scratching more!
That was the worst hit,that came with a thought of getting a degree 6months after my friends,and my company..forget it !!(Well i mean,they will forget me for sure :( )

..

Well what happened after that is a crazy story of nuts and perverts.May be I have some other time for that.For now,its late.Bye people,will catch up with you some other time,when I read you my diary..hehe :)

Dont make a view from that !

2010-01-02T21:46:00.000-08:00

That was my third stick down,or wait,I am not sure,cause Ujjal was lighting the joints.
The noise was taking on me badly and I was desperately craving for some cold air.I went near the edge,someone was sitting by the parapet,I cant figure it out,damn..my senses are working to their lowest best !! I felt a wry smile coming to my face deep from somewhere inside my guts.
It was Saiki siting on the edge.I went and sat by him.He looked at me siping beer from the pint..
"So how's going dude?"
We looked at each other for a while and then I started laughing.It was like gas coming out of those softdrink bottles,with enoromous pressure and haze when shaken vigorously! Even Saiki started laughing.He dropped from the wall,was laughing his guts out,and rolling on the ground.
"Damn ..m man.."..Again the roll of laughter continued..
"No listen ...man I cant..",we wre laughing and laughing
"Fuck Its too hard to keep your eyes open"..I was laughing like a mad man,I tell you .The grass was finally on its high.I thought I need to stop laughing,else I am definitely going to die.I took the beer bottle(Saiki was still laughing) and went to the other corner.
Ujjal was trying to do something with the mobile,but I can bet even he was struggling to figure out things!
"What's up,sitting alone ?"
"Fuck man,I cant keep my eyes open.I think the sticks were too tight"..
"you still think..?? ",and here it goes,I started laughing again.I was feeling helpless.I felt I was trapped in an endless loop of some insane feelings that were going on and on and on.Half of my brain was trying to stop laughing,but they were useless,I was not to stop.I was now sure that I am going to die tonight,confirm.
Suddenly my throat started choking."I need water",There was a huge lump in my throat.
Ujjal passed me beer instead of water(fucker !!),I gulped as much I can.
Now this was the craziest part for me.May be this was the first time of my life,I really wished to die.The lump in my throat now slightly went down abit but again got stuck in somewhere in the pipes.The worse part was that I could feel every inch of my foodpipe now,and the lump going down and down,slowly,very slowly.It was passing between my lungs,it was somewhere beneath the cage,was about to reach the stomach,but still not going down.Damn slow,very slow..shit man.It was the worst thing I ever felt ! The high of grass was far more worse than alcohol.It comes with a physical discomfort that can even make you wish to die,trust me.
We somehow managed to comedown to the flat,Ujjal and me supporting mutually I guess.The good thing was that I could rely on him,cause something inside me told,he was not that out,but his eyes denied every single bit of my thoughts.
Down in the flat,as we came down,it was all smoky throughout.It was funny,the music and the noise seemed to me coming from far away as they show in movies.Everything was blur,and I had to strain my eyes,sometimes even brain to figure out people..My brain denied to work,all I could manage to think was..damn what a way to start a new year,and guess what,I was laughing again..
When I opened my eyes ,it was 2in the noon,the 1st of Jan 2010.
I said happy New year to myself..

Actually,while surfing the net,I could see people uploading pics for their New Year bash,joyous faces hugging each other,may be a glass of wine(the only one they drank in their whole life !),girls everywhere and all.even some people went a step ahead for trips on the first day of the year spending huge bucks making a huge start for the season.
Well,anyways I also just wanted to share up my crazy night with my crazy friends,hoping for an all crazy new year.There were lot more idiotic things but that's all for now.Happy New year guys.Hope you like it..

Not an Idiot

2009-12-29T06:20:00.000-08:00

Its not that I always feel like writing.I mean I even sometimes feel,damn why the hell do I write?? So one day i really thoght to sit and find out how did I came to a conclusion that i should try to write all the shit that I feel!
I then think it must be some idiot friends in the college who kept on pushing me,like hey buddy you are too good to write man!or may be my passion for reading that gave me a feel that I should try on with pen. Now the point is that,yes I love writing any damn thing I think off,but when I dont feel anything,what should i be writing??Really confused,I tell you !
Now after watching recent idiotic movies of bollywood and the peer pressure rising(suddenly after the movie released) to make you do what you love to do,I at this point want to tell some real story about my life.

I guess it was not too much ago,may be like 15years back when I was in like 3rd or fourth grade or may be earlier.I used to roam around my home with a circular shaped coil of pipe in my hand driving my imaginary vehicle and changing its gears with left hand with the roaring of an imaginary engine.So what happened,one day,my dad caught me,in between my drives and i had to stop my car with a dangerously high pitched screetching brakes!
"So son what do you think you really want to be in life??"
i tell you those idiot movies were not out by then!!
Now given at that age(though I am yet that dumb!) i figured out what I should be doing when i grow up!I was non-chalant in my reply
"papa i want to be driver!!"
"So what are you going to drive?"
"Why?? i love buses,but they are big na?"
My dad was confused i guess,all he could manage was..
"You need to study well if you want to be a good driver !!"
Well unsure of my driving skills and the required studies for that,may be at some point of time after that i gave up my thoughts.

Anyways that was not my point I guess.I am really confused at time about what should be done with the only future given to you!!I mean though i am still undecided whether to continue writing or not but trust me its abit wierd to think for me as to why i am still continuing writing even in this blog!!When I sat to write,I knew nothing what its going to be,but now,that I have become abit emotional,i guess i should stop this torture on your brains.Yes the idea of doing what you love to do is something we really love to fantacise and thats why may be I have written all these nonsense..

Its almost dawn now,its a new year soon.A new time will start.Well the terrible practical man in me woke up..this is the end,I have to end!!

I have to leave my dreams with you guys,with the end of this night,for tonight.Well today in a country of more than 100 million people,i dont think you can manage to do what you really love to do.Whatever may be my thoughts and whatever may I love,I have learned that living your passions are a far thought for people like me who are more worried about making their livings rather writing lines in rain,let alone living dreams !!

Its never worth that way..

2009-12-13T07:19:00.000-08:00

This is not always you know what's happening
Its not at all that you know what is there
You never know how you want to live
Rather you never want to know what you want..

Sometimes it gives you a feeling that you are on
It makes you feel like flying
Makes you the man of all
You get the feel that you are the potential best;

The very next moment it fades away
Its always a dark storm in the horizon
It takes away all,all you had and all you felt you wanted.

May be that's fate,they call Destiny
This is the way how you get along
This is the way how you start longing for a change
Rather may be this is the change..

O wait,what is that on?
Is that the way it was supposed to be?
Isn't it an attrition,you calling a transition?
O dear,it can't be that way !
Definitely not that way..You never wanted it that way..

Oh! so now you say that doesn't matter,
Yeh that's exactly you say when you suffer
Trust God,its not always worth that way,
Its definitely not true that way..

Me,the ordinary man..

2009-12-10T21:23:00.000-08:00

I am not a perfect person
There's a lot that I cant make happen
I wish I could be the one I wanted
But there's always something thats drifts life away
There's something that fades me to dark
There's something that pulls me back
There's a thousands reason I can give you..

Yes I am not at all a perfect man
Well I was never a perfect person
But still there's a thousand dream for me to requim
A thousand thoughts to reflect
A thousand joy that makes me happy..

I am the one who loved the dawn
I am the one who loved the rain
I was the one who loved to live..

Time changed and so did I
I was in love,I will be in Love
I was happy and I will again be Happy
I lived that life and
Still thats the life I wish to live
And that's the Life I wish to love

May be I am not a perfect person
But I am the one who will be in love
I am the one who wishes to see joy
And I will be the man who will know to Live

Yes I am the ordinary man who Loves Life..

[inspired from Hoobastank-The Reason]

Just read 'em !!

2009-12-09T03:29:00.000-08:00

Last nite i read these few lines from a friend of mine .I really felt like sharing those lines..
Five pearls of Wisdom,I guess you should never forget :

1. Money cant buy happiness but somehow its more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a bicycle..what do you say,eh?

2.Forgive your enemies but remember their names :)

3.Help a girl when she is in trouble and she will remember you when she is in trouble again !! Man that's the pathetic part of all.

4.Many pepole are still alive because it is illegal to shoot them :(

5.Alcohol doesn't solve any problem, but neither does milk !!

Few lines of my fav poets!

2009-12-07T00:55:00.000-08:00

The Lust of the goat,is the bounty of God
The nackedness of women,is the work of God,
Excess of sorrow laughs,Excess of joy weeps !!

-William Blake

Give me women,wine and snuff,Untill I cry out,hold enough!!
You may do sans objection..
Till the day of resurrection..

...
[Damn I have forgotten the rest lines'
will gt thm fr u wenevr i recollect!!]

-John Keats

Few of my works!!

2009-12-06T10:05:00.000-08:00

I played the strings night after night,
Wanted to love you in the dreams of light,
Its hard to breathe,its hard to die,
I never knew why you had to lie.

Now that you are gone from the lights of my eyes,
When in my dreams you kissed me to say goodbye.
We broke the bonds,we broke the chain
But never knew it comes with a pain..

Time will make you forget me more,but
Time will make me love you more than before!!

[Please don't read more than once,i think its not that worth!]

2009-11-26T05:03:00.000-08:00

I sometime feel like i should have commited suicide a long time back.But it seems like it desnt work out someway!! It was another so called pathetic incidents that keep on happening with me.I was on for a walk after my dinner a few nights back.It was obvious,i was out for a dinner in the back market since most predictably i again missed my insti dinner.From being a so called popular(rather worthless engineering college),I couldnt give up my habit of bunking classes!!
Now what happened,as i was in my royal fiesta,I went to a paan-thela for a cigarette.The man sitting behind the window was almost of the age of my dad.Now,whatever hopeless i may be,but something inside my head started asking if i was goin to buy a ciggi from my dad?? Shit man!! But wait,the worst part was yet to come!
Some how i managed the guts to ask him for a milds(yes,i felt like an idiot,but given the habit and the false ego that i had by birth,i was still there).The elderly man looked into my eyes and gave a smile!! Now what was that?? "How are you beta??" Shit!!What was that supposed to mean?
I asked him "do we know each other??"
"ya you keep on coming na!!" (well i was there for the first time i tell you!!)
O..lucky me!!
Now thats not the end.
as i took the ciggi in my lips,he lit the lighter for me.Man,I tell you,it was hell out there!
Such a guy that i was,i felt the cigarette shivering in my lips,consequently missing to lit it up in the first hit.
"uncle i will do it myself"
"Nei beta,i am here na"
Finally i managed to lit it up,and rather rushed out of the shop.After few steps I looked back at the man in a weird state of mind.
He was looking at me with a smile!
The cigarette tasted stale!!

Its literally Shit man!!

2009-11-24T11:20:00.000-08:00

It was another usual day of mine. Bunking a CDAC class(well now you cant say an usual day),i was on my way,on a lovely noon,reading some incomprehensible texts written by an author on the net.I was trying to get through few line by the author about whom i never heard nor read,but was really trying on it.It went somehow like this:

"I used the word “complicity” a bit ago. I like the word. To me, it indicates an unspoken understanding between two people, a kind of pre-sense, if you like. The first hint that you may be suited, before the nervous trudgery of finding out whether you “share the same interests,” or have the same metabolism, or are sexually compatible, or both want children, or however it is that we argue consciously about our unconscious decisions. Later, looking back, we will fetishize and celebrate the first date, the first kiss, the first holiday together, but what really counts is what happened before this public story: that moment, more of pulse than of thought, which goes, Yes, perhaps her, and Yes, perhaps him."

As I read,(though could hardly get anything out of it !!) an incoming SMS made my phone was loud enough to even visualise the pug of the n/w!!. I ignored it till I finished the story, and then I opened the SMS that I reproduce for you here:

From VM 53131

Will your Friendship turn into Love? To know the answer Sms BOND (Ur Friends Name) to 53131 e.g. BOND RANI. Rs.3/Sms

Isn’t it just horrible that more people read VM 53131 than the unfortunate author!!?!

Who was he?

2009-11-24T05:07:00.000-08:00

I dont know if at all I would be able to explain the stuff but this is something i thought to write about now its more than two months. Some things in life really make you to reflect thoughts that you would have never thought otherwise if those things never happened at the first place.
In the first few days it never occured to me.I was doing a diploma from a private ATC.The dabbawalas of the city used to be allround bringing there stuffs for 200 students of the campus.
It was a cloudy day in the mid of october,I saw a man sitting by the gate with a bag,predictably dabbas,at my insti gate .In general,I never noticed people around me unless its the other gender!! But that day,I for no reasons looked at him,his eyes. For no reasons,i was depressed.He was at his late 60's or may be more.It really came to me what life was for him??He was more than the age of my father,old enough to be relishing his remaining days on earth.But there he was,delivering damn things for damn people who hardly cares for anyone.I dont know why,I could see a pain in his eyes.When i looked in his eyes everytime,that came to me as the saddest point of my day.Unfortunately the pain continued from my side.The everyday i went on seeing him,his same eyes,same feeling of helpnessness mixed with some pain always made me feel uncomfortable at times.
The next time i decided to overlook him on my wayout of the campus,but there was something that always made me to look in his eyes,those eyes asking for somthing,something to life or may be more that i couldnt get, the shallow that i am.
Life may have taken him to points that we couldnot even imagine,but till today,i thought a hundred ways to get out of it,the pain that I was going through for no reason,but it seems like his eyes are those that i can hardly take out of my mind.life changes,people changes.may be he was fine with watever he was going through,but that hardly stopped me from being depressed on those days.May be it was fine all the time and even today!!God help me,God help him!!