I sometime feel like i should have commited suicide a long time back.But it seems like it desnt work out someway!! It was another so called pathetic incidents that keep on happening with me.I was on for a walk after my dinner a few nights back.It was obvious,i was out for a dinner in the back market since most predictably i again missed my insti dinner.From being a so called popular(rather worthless engineering college),I couldnt give up my habit of bunking classes!!
Now what happened,as i was in my royal fiesta,I went to a paan-thela for a cigarette.The man sitting behind the window was almost of the age of my dad.Now,whatever hopeless i may be,but something inside my head started asking if i was goin to buy a ciggi from my dad?? Shit man!! But wait,the worst part was yet to come!
Some how i managed the guts to ask him for a milds(yes,i felt like an idiot,but given the habit and the false ego that i had by birth,i was still there).The elderly man looked into my eyes and gave a smile!! Now what was that?? "How are you beta??" Shit!!What was that supposed to mean?
I asked him "do we know each other??"
"ya you keep on coming na!!" (well i was there for the first time i tell you!!)
O..lucky me!!
Now thats not the end.
as i took the ciggi in my lips,he lit the lighter for me.Man,I tell you,it was hell out there!
Such a guy that i was,i felt the cigarette shivering in my lips,consequently missing to lit it up in the first hit.
"uncle i will do it myself"
"Nei beta,i am here na"
Finally i managed to lit it up,and rather rushed out of the shop.After few steps I looked back at the man in a weird state of mind.
He was looking at me with a smile!
The cigarette tasted stale!!

Its literally Shit man!!

It was another usual day of mine. Bunking a CDAC class(well now you cant say an usual day),i was on my way,on a lovely noon,reading some incomprehensible texts written by an author on the net.I was trying to get through few line by the author about whom i never heard nor read,but was really trying on it.It went somehow like this:

"I used the word “complicity” a bit ago. I like the word. To me, it indicates an unspoken understanding between two people, a kind of pre-sense, if you like. The first hint that you may be suited, before the nervous trudgery of finding out whether you “share the same interests,” or have the same metabolism, or are sexually compatible, or both want children, or however it is that we argue consciously about our unconscious decisions. Later, looking back, we will fetishize and celebrate the first date, the first kiss, the first holiday together, but what really counts is what happened before this public story: that moment, more of pulse than of thought, which goes, Yes, perhaps her, and Yes, perhaps him."

As I read,(though could hardly get anything out of it !!) an incoming SMS made my phone was loud enough to even visualise the pug of the n/w!!. I ignored it till I finished the story, and then I opened the SMS that I reproduce for you here:

From VM 53131

Will your Friendship turn into Love? To know the answer Sms BOND (Ur Friends Name) to 53131 e.g. BOND RANI. Rs.3/Sms

Isn’t it just horrible that more people read VM 53131 than the unfortunate author!!?!

Who was he?

I dont know if at all I would be able to explain the stuff but this is something i thought to write about now its more than two months. Some things in life really make you to reflect thoughts that you would have never thought otherwise if those things never happened at the first place.
In the first few days it never occured to me.I was doing a diploma from a private ATC.The dabbawalas of the city used to be allround bringing there stuffs for 200 students of the campus.
It was a cloudy day in the mid of october,I saw a man sitting by the gate with a bag,predictably dabbas,at my insti gate .In general,I never noticed people around me unless its the other gender!! But that day,I for no reasons looked at him,his eyes. For no reasons,i was depressed.He was at his late 60's or may be more.It really came to me what life was for him??He was more than the age of my father,old enough to be relishing his remaining days on earth.But there he was,delivering damn things for damn people who hardly cares for anyone.I dont know why,I could see a pain in his eyes.When i looked in his eyes everytime,that came to me as the saddest point of my day.Unfortunately the pain continued from my side.The everyday i went on seeing him,his same eyes,same feeling of helpnessness mixed with some pain always made me feel uncomfortable at times.
The next time i decided to overlook him on my wayout of the campus,but there was something that always made me to look in his eyes,those eyes asking for somthing,something to life or may be more that i couldnt get, the shallow that i am.
Life may have taken him to points that we couldnot even imagine,but till today,i thought a hundred ways to get out of it,the pain that I was going through for no reason,but it seems like his eyes are those that i can hardly take out of my mind.life changes,people changes.may be he was fine with watever he was going through,but that hardly stopped me from being depressed on those days.May be it was fine all the time and even today!!God help me,God help him!!